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Author’s Note: This is my first fanfic for Community. I love this show and desperately needed to get this idea out of my head. I actually intended to post this before Abed’s surprise party episode. I would love some feedback on this because I have two more which I think are pretty good too so let me know what you think.
I own nothing, obviously.
The ‘Surprise’ Party
Any texts, unless otherwise specifically mentioned, are to all the study group members besides Jeff and Annie.
Britta finds herself lying on the couch in the cafeteria with a newspaper over her face when she happens to catch the end of a whispered conversation between Jeff and Annie as they walk by the vending machines. Noticing their hushed tones, she lies perfectly still, pretending to still be nursing the hangover that lead to her impromptu catnap in the cafeteria in the first place. After the secretive pair walks away, Britta throws the newspaper down and texts the other members of the study group in great haste to reveal her gossip.
Britta: I just overheard Annie making plans with Jeff to take him out for his birthday. Did anyone know it was his birthday or why no one else is invited to the party?
Abed: Jeff’s character is kind of put-off by age so maybe he wanted to keep it a secret. I am surprised he is okay with Annie of all people knowing though.
Britta: He did ask her not to tell any of us and she actually promised him she wouldn’t. Why would she do that? She should know that we would love that kind of info.
Shirley: Britta’s right. He’s taken everyone else out for their birthdays. I bet he just doesn’t want to be a burden. Maybe we should have a surprise party for him. When is it?
Britta: Annie said she was picking him up at 7 tomorrow night.
Troy: She’s picking HIM up?
Pierce: Smart. He’s using the young chick as a designated driver.
Britta: Yeah. He probably wants to be able to drink and not need to pay for a cab. Are we sure the ego-maniac even deserves a party?
Abed: I’m not sure Jeff would like a surprise party anyway.
Shirley: Nonsense. He should be treated just like any of the rest of us. Let’s do it. It could be really fun.
Troy: Plus we’ll get to see his apartment. Magnitude told me it was pretty cool.
Pierce: Who the hell is Magnitude? Are we inviting people because I’m not sure I could get someone from the agency by tomorrow night?
Britta: Nevermind all that. Let’s make it just us and we’ll get there around 8 to decorate.
Shirley: I’ll make a cake and bring some brownies.
Troy: Can I get the balloons? I love the sound they make when they rub together.
Pierce: I can bring the booze.
Abed: I will be taping it for posterity and I suppose I could bring some chips and dip. Britta?
Britta: I will lift his key and make a copy… also a group gift, I guess since it is such short notice.
************************* The Next Night around 8:30 ***************************
“So, should we hide or just jump out right away?” Shirley asks the group as she arranges the snacks, cards, and joint gift on Jeff’s kitchen table.
“We should wait until he turns on the lights, I think, before we yell ‘Surprise’,” Britta adds while pouring herself a drink from the veritable full-bar set-up that Pierce brought to impress everyone.
“What should we do about Annie?” Troy absentmindedly asks while looking through Jeff’s DVD collection, still holding tightly with one hand to the multi-colored strings of the balloon bouquet he brought.
“We can call her to come back after she drops him off and we scare the hell out of him. She could have been here if she wasn’t being so secretive about the whole thing in the first place. If I hadn’t overheard them, we would’ve never even known it was his birthday.” Britta says with her typical annoyed tone before finishing, “Annie really should have shared the goods, even if she promised.”
“Jealous much, Brittles?” Pierce asks her, proud of his colloquialism as he looks at Troy for verification on the correct usage. Troy nods slightly causing a dumb, satisfied grin to spread across Pierce’s face.
“Aren’t you supposed to be the look-out, Pierce? And I’m not jealous, by the way. I just think the whole thing with them going out without the rest of us is a little strange.” Britta replies quickly, “I just don’t get why she wouldn’t share what she knew. If it were any of you she would have blabbed in a heartbeat, but not Jeff. I just think it’s weird.”
Abed shakes his head fervently before stating flatly, “Not really. They have a certain dynamic which sets them apart from the rest of us. If the episodes continue the way they have been, those two are due for a major plot development.”
Everyone looks at Abed with their typically confused expressions regarding his film-industry talk before returning to the plans for the party. Pierce shakes his head and retreats to the hall, awaiting a Jeff-sighting that would signal their time to hide and a moment for him to feel included.
“In any case, I think we should call Annie after we yell surprise so she can come back. She at least deserves a piece of cake after spending an entire night out with Jeff Winger,” Britta says with a bit of disdain, although Abed’s head nod would also indicate his singular acknowledgment of her slight jealousy.
Pierce stumbles through the door as if he is being chased by a bear to breathlessly report, “He’s back. I saw his hair through the window. What do we do?” Pierce shouts in a panic, running into the middle of the room as if they were caught completely unaware.
Forgetting the fact that an element of the surprise party was the hiding, Pierce remains in plain sight while the others scramble to their designated spots. “Pierce, get in the closet,” Troy shout-whispers from the bedroom where he, Abed, and Britta have gathered to hide.
“So, we are all going to wait until after he turns the light on to yell surprise since there is no one in on it to cue us.” In his best director voice, Abed reminds everyone, “Timing is everything people.”
Shirley is giggling with eagerness as she takes her place in the kitchen under the counter, close to the confections she prepared and is dying to show off to the guest of honor. Pierce finally understands the concept of a surprise party and takes refuge in Jeff’s front closet, hoping to be the first one to be noticed by their aloof friend.
The group is practically giddy with anticipation in preparing themselves to completely catch Jeff in a state of shock when the door of the apartment is struck by a loud thud, almost as if Jeff stumbled into the door. Everyone inside is thrown into a state of paralysis as the key scratches against the lock, the giggling from the hallway can be easily heard through the deafening silence of the apartment filled with confused people wondering what is going on behind the wooden door. Before the key finally finds access, another loud thump resounds, followed by some moaning which causes everyone to jump back from the unexpected sound before the door finally swings wide open, revealing a surprise that none of them were prepared for.
The silhouette of their two friends clawing at each other takes up most of the doorframe and much of the available light from the hall, the cascading shadow providing everyone a brief warning before Annie and Jeff stumble into the room, already vigorously making out. Neither Jeff nor Annie bother to turn on the lights, the absence of which causes everyone to miss their cue to yell ‘Surprise’; though everyone is rendered speechless anyway by what they are witnessing in the low light of the foyer, too stunned to have articulated anything more than “Oh my god”.
“I’m so glad you liked your dinner, birthday-boy,” Annie giggles, backing Jeff up into the back of the couch with a predatory walk.
“What’s not to like? I had an awesome night that will only get awesome-r now that I have you here alone and away from that waiter that wouldn’t stop flirting with you even though you were shamelessly rubbing your foot up my thigh the entire night,” Jeff retorts, grabbing the back of Annie’s neck and kissing her roughly from her collarbone to her chin.
“Excuse me, Mr. Winger, but first of all, ‘awesome-r’ is not a word, though I will accept it under these circumstances because if it was a word, it would truly be appropriate for what’s going to happen next.” Annie runs her hands up Jeff’s shirt then decides to tug it over his head abruptly, eliciting a groan from them both from the exposure of so much skin. “Secondly, I was not flirting with that waiter any more than you were with the coat check girl.”
“Listen, Edison, I told you as soon as I found her number in my pocket so that has to count for something. Besides, did you see how carefully she handled our coats? I like to think of that as a side effect of my sexiness, preferential treatment just for being me.”
They laugh and Jeff changes their positions, pressing Annie firmly against the wall before her shirt comes off by his demanding hands in between passionate kisses. Jeff aimlessly flings the garment somewhere in the kitchen, the shirt incidentally landing right next to Shirley who has to stifle a yelp from the overwhelming shock of everything that is transpiring a few feet away.
“Shall we have the rest of this discussion somewhere more comfortable, Mr. Winger?” Jeff growls slightly as Annie pulls away from him, moving slowly towards the hall.
Deciding she has to warn the others about the impending arrival of their half-naked friends, Shirley frantically starts texting, hoping she is quick enough with her new
phone to give them time to hide.
Shirley: J / A kissing - going 2 bedroom now. HIDE!
Inside the bedroom, Britta and Troy immediately run into the open closet with the assortment of balloons which Troy still has clutched in his hands. Abed, finding there to be no room with his friends in the closet, jumps under the bed just as the door opens revealing a mess of tangled limbs, feverishly pulling off the remaining articles of clothing from each other’s bodies.
Britta and Troy look through the slats of the closet door to see their two friends now completely naked, writhing around on the bed together. Since no one has bothered to turn on the lights at this point, their eyes are pretty well-adjusted to the darkness. Britta looks away in disgust, but Troy is practically salivating over the lithe, sexy body of a girl he would never be able to think of again as “Little Annie Adderall”.
Abed: This incident redefines the meaning of the term bottle episode.
Britta: What are we going to do? We can’t come out now. It’ll be too weird.
Troy: Not weirder than if we stay and let them finish with us in the closet.
Shirley: You’re all in the closet?!
Abed: Britta and Troy made it to the closet. I’m under the bed. There really isn’t much else to say. Save yourselves.
Pierce: I wish I could trade places with one of you guys. If it’s going to be weird that we know than I wish I could have at least gotten a peek of the show.
Britta: Trust me you don’t want that. I feel like my brain is getting dirty just hearing the things they are saying to each other.
Troy: Yeah, Annie has a surprisingly dirty mouth and Jeff really likes it.
Shirley: Oh my!
Pierce: I knew it. Annie has one of those librarian / secret dominatrix vibes going on.
Troy: Don’t mention librarians, please. My brain is already wrinkled enough.
Britta: I do not want to hear this.
Abed: At least you don’t have a front row seat. I would gladly take the mezzanine.
Shirley: What are we going to do?
Pierce: Quit worrying. They’ll never know if we don’t tell them.
Troy: Pierce is right. They never have to find out that this happened. Way too weird.
Britta: Taking this to the grave would not be long enough.
Shirley: Oh, I’m sorry. This must be difficult for you, Britta. I know I wouldn’t want to see someone I’ve slept with having sex with someone else.
Britta: Shirley, it was once and it meant nothing. We just got caught up in the heat of battle. No big deal.
Pierce: Really Britta? Nobody’d blame you for being pissed that Jeff replaced you with perkier boobs.
Shirley: That’s uncalled for Pierce.
Troy: Britta’s crying Pierce.
Shirley: Hug her for me Troy. Apologize, Pierce.
Pierce: I’m sorry Britta.
Britta: I’m not crying and I’m not pissed. I just hope he isn’t using Annie like a b-day gift to himself or some kind of virgin-ish sacrifice.
Abed: I actually think this has been going on for a while. Jeff said something just now about… Well, let’s just say that this is definitely not their first time.
Troy: Come on, Abed, what did he say?
Abed: Jeff said that he’d bet his Lexus that he can get her to scream his name in the next five minutes.
Pierce: I’ll take a piece of that action.
Troy: No, Pierce… I think Annie’s getting all of that action, besides that doesn’t prove this isn’t just a one-time birthday thing. What did they say exactly?
Abed: Annie’s reply to the wager was as follows… “I’ll give you those five minutes, but I’d like to up the ante. If you happen to get me to scream your name even louder than that time in the Lexus before class then I’ll give you three more birthday wishes.” He then replied, “I accept, but I really don’t need them anyway because you’re the only thing I want.”
Shirley: That’s nice. Oh my goodness. Are they in love?
Britta: Don’t be silly, Shirley. Jeff says he can’t love anyone but himself.
Shirley: I hope he doesn’t hurt Annie. She’s so innocent and sweet.
Abed: Not so sweet or innocent from my vantage point.
Troy: We can’t hear them so well anymore, Abed. All I see are blankets. Are they still there?
Abed: Yes, but everything sounds really muffled.
The quiet of the apartment is instantly shattered when Annie screams loudly, Jeff’s name leaving her lips with such force that everyone collectively gasps in shock.
Pierce: Is he killing her?
Abed: No… maybe… but she likes it.
Shirley: Let’s all agree to slip out if we get the chance and just try to cover our ears for now. Okay?
After they make the pact of ‘everyone for themselves’ they wait out thirty minutes of loud gasps, moans, and more screaming from both Annie and Jeff, intermittently combined with the banging of the head board against the wall in a wild, frantic rhythm. When Jeff and Annie finally go to take a shower, Troy and Britta decide that it is time to escape and meet the others downstairs, not knowing if Abed somehow snuck out already.
While anxiously waiting for the moment they can bust out of the closet, Britta and Troy decide to give the lovers a moment to get securely involved in their shower together before attempting an escape. Thinking about everything that just happened, Troy can’t help himself before blurting, “Oh my god, Britta, I have never seen porn like that before. They looked really good together. Is that weird for me to say?” Troy asks his nearly nauseated friend after realizing a moment too late that he might have accidentally hurt her feelings. “Sorry.”
“This is just a little weird for me, Troy. I really don’t have feelings for Jeff anymore, but Annie seems to always go after guys I liked,” Britta whispers and then slumps against the wall, becoming instantly encapsulated by Jeff’s wardrobe which seems to include at least a few pink items that must belong to Annie.
“I don’t think she does it on purpose, Britta. Maybe she just looks up to you for an example of guys to date,” Troy reassures.
“Maybe, but they always seem to like her so much better. You heard Abed, they have been doing this for a while now and I couldn’t even get Jeff to take me on a real date and Vaughn wrote that sweet song about her.”
“He also wrote one about…” Troy starts, but thankfully remembers all of the reasons it would be a bad idea to bring up any lyrics to ‘Britta’s a B’ right now, before finishing his sentence, “… Pierce too.”
“Thanks, Troy.” Britta pats him lightly on the shoulder in a friendly way, but because of the confined space her arm lingers for a moment. Their eyes meet unexpectedly and Britta seems to see Troy in a whole new way, thinking to herself that maybe Annie has the right idea.
They begin to lean in closer to each other, luxuriating in the closeness after watching something so intimate play out in front of them. A moment before something happens that will inevitably change the dynamic of their friendship, Abed opens the door abruptly.
“Jeff told Annie he was coming out to get her robe from the closet. We have to go before it is too late,” Abed declares with strength, undoubtedly having visions of iconic movie heroes playing in his head. Abed does not wait for them, however, sensing something changed in that closet that he will wonder about later.
As Troy and Britta escape the closet in a hurry, opting to ditch Troy’s balloons in favor of a noiseless retreat, they hear Jeff come into the bedroom and go to the closet they just vacated as they scurry down the hall. Just as Britta and Troy make it to the front door, the massive balloon bouquet comes out of the closet with a flourish, hitting Jeff in the face. As he wades through the sea of brightly colored latex orbs around him, he yells, “What the hell?”
Troy and Britta don’t hear the end of his query, having run down the hall and to the safety of the elevator out of the building. It isn’t until they regroup with everyone downstairs that they realize the major fault in their plans. They cannot pretend they weren’t in the apartment because not only had they decorated the place, but they had left the present with their names on it. The collective determination that they are totally busted becomes surreal when they get a group text from Jeff a minute later.
Jeff: Hope you all enjoyed my ‘surprise’ party as much as I did…next time – knock first.